Iconic Phallucus Impregnatus Mystericus (PIM Icon)

In use between the mid-1800s and 2100

First discovered in 4011 in the ancient submerged island nation of Atlantis City,  the two legged PIM icon is believed to have been a symbol of worship to the energy God of Fertility. 

The two legs lead into a bulbous knob (i.e., uterus).  At the upper aspect of the knob is a joined cord, which people of the time called the “unity cord” (UC).  The UC symbolizes the new life springing from the knob.  Alternatively, the single branch is thought to have symbolized the umbilical cord.

The overall shape of the PIM icon approximates the image of a sperm, and scientists believe that worshipers wiggled the long, flexible, “tail” of the PIM icon, while chanting, to simulate the travel of the sperm as it sought the egg.  

PIM icons were in widespread use for about 250 years, between the mid-1800s, when fertility mechanics were finally understood, and the early 2100s, when the civilization was overtaken by global warming floods.  Virtually every household – even the poorest -- contained numerous, sometimes dozens, of PIM icons.  Anthropologists are uncertain why these items of fertility facilitation were present in such large quantities in most workplaces. 

PIM icons were so integral to human society that they were safeguarded in scared built-in vestibules, each with twin intake receptacles, symbolizing the Goddess Vagina.   Sometimes five or six PIM icons were ceremoniously grouped into a “master” fertility god, which resembled a mini-alter on which red or orange flashing lights would beam fertility wishes higher into the heavens. 

Between 1850 and 1950, the typical icon was two-legged, black, topped by a thin (sometimes bifurcated) unity cord, and lacking in ornamentation.  This changed during the early 21^st century.  Around that time, women began evolving into superior creatures no longer responsible for historical uterine functions and men had begun to assume routine gestational duties.  In response to this biological change, the PIM icons took on a different slightly different appearance.
 

• The bulbous end became larger relative to the legs.
• A third leg – highly phallic and representing the improved role in life for men – was added to the bottom of the icon, below but directly between the original two legs.
• The unity cord became thicker and most often round and firm.   

The specimen in this display is believed to be from the royal family of Gregory Pecks Beach IV, circa 2050.  It is on loan from  The Privates Collection Of The Universal Museum Of Ancient Civilizations.  The single sphere hanging in the middle of the necklace denotes Beach IV’s status as head of the island.  The six protuberances on each side of the necklace represent the royal sperm and the two balls dangling from the PIM’s legs represent, well, balls.